- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Date 17/01/11 13:41:24
Name   O Happy Dagger
Subject   A Letter to Rora
얼마전에 애가 13살때 쓴 단편소설을 타임라인에 올렸었는데... 이건 애가 16살때 쓴거네요. 타임라인에 올리고보니 글이 너무 길어서 안 받아주네요. 어째든 아이는 좀 더 큰 느낌이 나고요. 이 글을 읽을때 가장 먼저 했던 생각은... 이제 아이가 내 곁을 정말로 떠나가는구나라는 것이었어요. 어렸을때는 아이가 경험하는 대부분의 것들을 알고 또 아이는 이야기를 해 주었지만, 아이가 나이가 들어가면서 점점 더 자신만의 세계를 가지고 우리가 모르는 것들이 생겨나는데... 이 글에 관한건 이 글을 읽기전까지 전혀 알지 못하는 부분들이었거든요. 애한테는 나름 중요하다면 중요한게... 처음으로 인지대를 받은 글이네요.

----

Dear Rora:

I love you, and so I am letting you go. I love you no less in saying this; in fact, maybe I can love you more freely now that I can say that I am not responsible for you. I cannot help you. I am not even near brave enough to call you because I am afraid of the gaping silence at the other end of the line. I don’t know where you are. Maybe you’re in school. Maybe you’ve dropped out. Maybe the person who said you have two jobs right now was right and maybe that’s a good thing because maybe you’re not living at home.

This past Sunday, I interviewed a lady who dropped out of high school–our high school–in 1999, got her GED, and then graduated from Columbia more than a decade later. I talked to her until two in the morning about this school as it was twenty years ago and this place as it is right now, until she had to leave because she had work the next day, and I had to leave because I had school the next day, too. But I keep thinking about it, about what it meant, about how it was as if I had spoken to another version of me and you and Landon and Marc–the same us, but a generation before us.

What do you remember of this school, Rora? What of this place do you carry with you? In ten years, will you have graduated from college? In twenty years, will a new version of me interview the older you asking how you dropped out and what that meant for you? Or will you move far away and cut ties from this place, just as you changed your name to cut ties from your parents, and will you forget about me and will I forget about you and will we have been two specks of dust that just happened to chance upon each other for a small blip in time?

I am asking you these things because Jean is dropping out at the end of this year. I know you were worried about him before you left. He’s fourteen and says he’s homeschooling next year, but we all know what a joke that is because home is why he’s dropping out. He can’t do his homework at home. You knew that better than the rest of us. I tried to ignore it until I couldn’t ignore it and then realized I’d fucked up and it was too late and maybe he’d already given up. Just like when I was talking to Jay the other day I asked her about her mother and it wasn’t until afterwards, after she’d overdosed on sleeping pills and ended up in the hospital that I realized that maybe I’d fucked up. Just like when you were here, and I said nothing and you were here and I didn’t realize how much you were hurting until you’d left.

So many of my friends are graduating this year, and I’m supposed to start thinking about where I want to go after senior year, and it’s weird because that also means I’m thinking about this school and how it’s shaped me and all I can say is that this place owns pieces of me that I don’t think I could ever let go. Because this school is where I met you. This school is where I met Jean. This school owns the pieces of myself that I cannot give you because you are no longer here for me to give them to.

I want to do better for Jean than I was able to do for you. I am afraid I feel responsible for Jean. Not responsible in some big, grand, way in which I must save a boy that does not need saving, but responsible in the way a friend cares for a friend, and a Korean girl cares for a Korean friend, and a person cares for those who have made us who we are. But also, Jean will leave too. Like you, except I am hoping this time he will keep in touch, or that this time, I will be strong enough to keep in touch.

If not though, maybe one of us will be strong enough to circle back one day. Later. In the future. The way the lady who dropped out of our school got in touch with me so many years later. But also, maybe we meet each other and maybe we walk away and maybe we are all just memories and impressions of each other and maybe that’s okay.







    목록
    번호 제목 이름 날짜 조회 추천
    공지 티타임 게시판 이용 규정 [2] Toby 15/06/19 6409 4
    4667 게임'헌티드 맨션' 후기 [7] + 별비164 17/01/21 164 17
    4665 음악하루 한곡 005. Kalafina - Sprinter [1] + 하늘깃39 17/01/20 39 1
    4664 스포츠대한민국의 이런 저런 야구 소식들을 모아봤습니다. [1] + 키스도사101 17/01/20 101 1
    4663 영화라스트 나잇 크리스마스 (1978) [7] + 은머리139 17/01/20 139 1
    4662 음악눈이 오면 생각나는 노래 2곡 [3] NightBAya120 17/01/20 120 0
    4661 역사여요전쟁 - 완. 귀주대첩 [6] 눈시126 17/01/20 126 4
    4660 일상/생각'조금만 더!' 를 마지막으로 외쳤던 때가 언제였는지 기억이 나질 않는다 [4] 삼성갤육292 17/01/20 292 9
    4659 게임롤챔스 3일차 후기 [5] Leeka131 17/01/20 131 0
    4658 음악하루 한곡 004. KOKIA - ありがとう [2] 하늘깃75 17/01/19 75 0
    4657 일상/생각연하남의 '누나' 소리가 사랑스러워요. [25] 진준700 17/01/19 700 0
    4656 게임Rewind & Reboot.. 롤챔스 이야기 [2] Leeka96 17/01/19 96 0
    4655 영화이번 주 CGV 흥행 순위 [5] 홍차봇335 17/01/19 335 0
    4654 기타Filthy 15 [4] O Happy Dagger247 17/01/19 247 0
    4653 IT/컴퓨터비와이패드 [10] 헬리제의우울640 17/01/18 640 0
    4652 도서/문학불륜 예술의 진실을 보고 멘붕한 이야기. [18] 와인하우스814 17/01/18 814 6
    4651 일상/생각무제... [12] The Last of Us349 17/01/18 349 0
    4650 일상/생각서해대교에서. [1] regentag216 17/01/18 216 0
    4649 게임롤챔스 개막전 후기 [19] Leeka310 17/01/17 310 0
    4648 사회뉴게(?)를 보고 몇 자 적어보는 구속수사 [8] 烏鳳388 17/01/17 388 17
    4647 음악하루 한곡 003. 서진영 - 닮은 사랑 [2] 하늘깃68 17/01/17 68 0
    4646 일상/생각가마솥계란찜 [6] tannenbaum247 17/01/17 247 12
    4645 기타[불판] 오늘 저녁 스타크래프트 빅매치!! 이영호vs이제동 [156] 김치찌개2686 17/01/17 2686 2
    4644 기타낭만닥터 김사부 [4] 김치찌개238 17/01/17 238 0
    4643 일상/생각나는 글을 쓰기로 했다 [11] 고양이카페314 17/01/17 314 5
    목록 이전 다음
    댓글

    + : 최근 2시간내에 달린 댓글
    + : 최근 4시간내에 달린 댓글

    포럼형 정렬 On